In my absence this morning, Mitch came upon a disturbing scene near my desk in the form of a “gigantic spider” whose offensively protruding abdomen foreshadowed an end to its previously unknown existence in our office. In his haste to crush the repugnant beast, Mitch’s Tsubo-clad foot stomped upon her; which inevitably led to the squirting forth of approximately 100 baby spiders from whatever spiderish womb this female spider might have held.

Thankfully, the timing of this morning’s massacre afforded me the good fortune to witness this event through a visual reenactment only. Yet, by mid-afternoon, Nic had the pleasure of observing one of the survivors erecting a new home on his monitor. This therefore leads me to believe there are siblings and/or a baby daddy still in our midst.

Rest in peace, spider-mama. I will do my best to crush look after your offspring.